Thursday, December 22, 2005
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
Murcury in retrograde
So, I guess Murcury is in retrograde, and thats the reason everything shitty is happening right now. At least thats the explanation I got from Wendy's neighbor, Rya. Maybe Toddy, our newest astrologer can back me up?
I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing lots of shitty things. Not that my shitty things are NEARLY as bad as some of the other shitty things that maybe happening to YOU... But the fortunate thing, from what I understand, is that it should all be getting better around the 23rd when the shittiest of the shitty things are supposed to happen, and then not be quite as shitty anymore after that. But if the REALLY shitty stuff is supposed to happen on the 23rd- we're all gonna be swimming in a big pile of shit- cause I dunno know about you, but the shit is getting pretty deep over here!
I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing lots of shitty things. Not that my shitty things are NEARLY as bad as some of the other shitty things that maybe happening to YOU... But the fortunate thing, from what I understand, is that it should all be getting better around the 23rd when the shittiest of the shitty things are supposed to happen, and then not be quite as shitty anymore after that. But if the REALLY shitty stuff is supposed to happen on the 23rd- we're all gonna be swimming in a big pile of shit- cause I dunno know about you, but the shit is getting pretty deep over here!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Speaking of Hani!
He TOTALLY just pulled a "Derol" but more by mistake than meliciously. I just sent him an email that he should fly down for JP Night, and he responded to everyone from an original email that included Wendy, Wendy's Sister, Wendy's Dad... basically a lot of Wendy's friends, etc...
Without further adue, the reply:
"Dude, you know what Airfare costs? Like a gazillion dollars and shit! You know what its like bording a plane with a name like Hani Faisal Saigh? My asshole still hasn't recovered from my last flight two years ago!!! Plus, whats keeping us from starting Jeopardy party night in P-Town?? You visit Jim but not Hani?? Thats fuck man, thats just plain fuck. I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend for that one."
Without further adue, the reply:
"Dude, you know what Airfare costs? Like a gazillion dollars and shit! You know what its like bording a plane with a name like Hani Faisal Saigh? My asshole still hasn't recovered from my last flight two years ago!!! Plus, whats keeping us from starting Jeopardy party night in P-Town?? You visit Jim but not Hani?? Thats fuck man, thats just plain fuck. I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend for that one."
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Derol's ex...
derol. here's a picture of joy (you remember joy right?) and her mom...oh, wait...that's SALLY YO!!! Ah, SNAP!
Monday, November 14, 2005
fun with audio
this is me teasing riley. she gets all mad at me and starts crying cause i took away her "green hat" (that's her pacifier). at the end i totally give it back to her and she's happy once again. i'm the greatest dad ever!
funner with audio
you'll have to listen to the very end of this one. riley wasn't doing much when i started to tape her, but boy she sure makes up for it at the very end.
wait for it....wait for it...
Friday, November 11, 2005
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Covering Teen Wolf: One Coach's Guide
Used to be, the key to beating Teen Wolf's Beavers was just to play them on any night there wasn't a full moon. We were unlucky one season in that we met them 28 days apart, both times in their barn, and Teen Wolf destroyed us—64 points in the first game, then a quadruple-double in the second, with 14 blocked shots and 25 steals. Our third matchup, though, we were fortunate enough to have a 76 percent waxing gibbous, so it was regular Scott Howard, who turned the ball over twice before fouling out, scoreless, in eight minutes of play. These days, however, it seems the guy can change over whenever he wants, which poses a real problem to opposing coaches. What follows is the best strategy my staff and I have come up with to limit Teen Wolf's effectiveness on the court. While admittedly far from foolproof, it will, hopefully, prove useful to your team. We're all in this together, folks.
To begin, you're going to have to resign yourself to the fact that Teen Wolf is probably going to drop at least 50 points. That might seem like a lot, but, unfortunately, it's just the way the ball bounces. As coach, you need to recognize that your job isn't to do the impossible; you're not going to stop Teen Wolf entirely, but you can try to contain him by making him play your team's style of basketball. Discipline and defensive fundamentals help: nose on the ball, feet moving, channeling him into traps—careful with those, though. Soon as Teen Wolf gets two guys on him, he tends to find the open man. He's a heads-up ballplayer with great court sense, so if you're going to bring a trapping zone against Teen Wolf, make sure you have solid weak-side rotation and your defenders are communicating.
Of course, that's only if he feels like passing. Teen Wolf gets scrappy once you put the pressure on, and he's a great ball handler with a low-to-the-ground style reminiscent of Pistol Pete or a young Isiah Thomas. Add to his skill and quickness those gigantic, hirsute paws, and you're up against one hell of a dribbler. We've tried giving Teen Wolf a step, respecting his speed, but we've found that if our guys slack off him, he'll generally hit the open jumper—or else take off from wherever he's standing on the court, sail over everyone's heads, and finish with one of those dunks where he ends up sitting on the top of the backboard, howling, feet dangling down through the hoop.
While you're welcome to try it, my feeling is that man-to-man defense simply isn't an option. Some teams like to play a box-and-one, which generally works well against most lycanthropes. With Teen Wolf, though, you have to be careful. He'll just stand baying by the sideline while the rest of the Beavers run four-on-four. Then, at a signal from Coach Finstock, Teen Wolf will come screaming down the lane, fur bristling and fangs bared, for the alley-oop. (And with him having what's rumored to be a 78-inch standing vertical leap, rest assured he's even more difficult to stop once he gets up in the air.) I've heard of coaches dealing with this by putting a sniper in the crowd with a box of silver bullets and a hunting rifle. We tried it once, back when Teen Wolf was only a freshman: the shooter missed, and when the cops showed up and cleared the gym we were forced to default.
So, I bet you're wondering, if it's impossible to cover him through conventional defenses, what can we do? Here's the key: Teen Wolf doesn't get along with his teammates. While he's certainly got the individual skills to dominate most games, I'd have to struggle to think of ever seeing a more selfish player in my 28 years of coaching. He tends to alienate his fellow Beavers by doing things like stealing the ball off them, or stealing their girlfriends, and their resentment is easy for opposing teams to exploit. Sympathy seems to work well; get your players to say stuff like, "Man, sure sucks playing with Teen Wolf," or "I'd hate to have a guy like Teen Wolf on my team," and you'll be surprised how quickly the Beavers' team defense will start to open up.
Another trick is to keep on the officials about aggressive play. Granted, most refs are pretty scared to call anything on Teen Wolf, what with the risk of being devoured in the parking lot after the game. Still, it's hard to ignore someone being gouged by lupine talons, especially if the player's entrails are exposed. Coach Finstock hates sitting Teen Wolf, but if his star picks up three fouls early, there won't be any other option. Just make sure to tell your guys to resist taunting Teen Wolf while he's on the bench; it only makes him angrier, and with that anger comes frightening strength.
Finally, keep in mind that beneath all that fur, Teen Wolf is only human—or half-human, whatever—with weaknesses, just like any of us. And as a hormonally imbalanced, eternally cursed teenager, he's particularly fragile. For one thing, at just under 70 percent, Teen Wolf's free-throw shooting is comparatively weak; if you've got a kid on your team brave or crazy enough to knock Teen Wolf down with a hard foul, encourage it. Make him earn his points at the line. "Hack-a-Wolf" brought us within 10 of the Beavers during last year's playoffs—that is, until Teen Wolf dunked eight consecutive trips down the floor from the 3-point line, putting the lead out of reach.
OK, that's pretty much all I've got. As I mentioned earlier, defending Teen Wolf isn't an exact science, and you're more than welcome to alter these tactics as befits your own ball club. I hope that between us we can keep the lines of communication open and continue to share strategies that seem to work. My feeling is that there's no team that is completely unbeatable, even if their star transforms into a werewolf before every game. Oh, and if you come up with some way of preventing Teen Wolf from jumping up and catching your team's shots, I'd be particularly interested in hearing it.
Thanks, and best of luck.
To begin, you're going to have to resign yourself to the fact that Teen Wolf is probably going to drop at least 50 points. That might seem like a lot, but, unfortunately, it's just the way the ball bounces. As coach, you need to recognize that your job isn't to do the impossible; you're not going to stop Teen Wolf entirely, but you can try to contain him by making him play your team's style of basketball. Discipline and defensive fundamentals help: nose on the ball, feet moving, channeling him into traps—careful with those, though. Soon as Teen Wolf gets two guys on him, he tends to find the open man. He's a heads-up ballplayer with great court sense, so if you're going to bring a trapping zone against Teen Wolf, make sure you have solid weak-side rotation and your defenders are communicating.
Of course, that's only if he feels like passing. Teen Wolf gets scrappy once you put the pressure on, and he's a great ball handler with a low-to-the-ground style reminiscent of Pistol Pete or a young Isiah Thomas. Add to his skill and quickness those gigantic, hirsute paws, and you're up against one hell of a dribbler. We've tried giving Teen Wolf a step, respecting his speed, but we've found that if our guys slack off him, he'll generally hit the open jumper—or else take off from wherever he's standing on the court, sail over everyone's heads, and finish with one of those dunks where he ends up sitting on the top of the backboard, howling, feet dangling down through the hoop.
While you're welcome to try it, my feeling is that man-to-man defense simply isn't an option. Some teams like to play a box-and-one, which generally works well against most lycanthropes. With Teen Wolf, though, you have to be careful. He'll just stand baying by the sideline while the rest of the Beavers run four-on-four. Then, at a signal from Coach Finstock, Teen Wolf will come screaming down the lane, fur bristling and fangs bared, for the alley-oop. (And with him having what's rumored to be a 78-inch standing vertical leap, rest assured he's even more difficult to stop once he gets up in the air.) I've heard of coaches dealing with this by putting a sniper in the crowd with a box of silver bullets and a hunting rifle. We tried it once, back when Teen Wolf was only a freshman: the shooter missed, and when the cops showed up and cleared the gym we were forced to default.
So, I bet you're wondering, if it's impossible to cover him through conventional defenses, what can we do? Here's the key: Teen Wolf doesn't get along with his teammates. While he's certainly got the individual skills to dominate most games, I'd have to struggle to think of ever seeing a more selfish player in my 28 years of coaching. He tends to alienate his fellow Beavers by doing things like stealing the ball off them, or stealing their girlfriends, and their resentment is easy for opposing teams to exploit. Sympathy seems to work well; get your players to say stuff like, "Man, sure sucks playing with Teen Wolf," or "I'd hate to have a guy like Teen Wolf on my team," and you'll be surprised how quickly the Beavers' team defense will start to open up.
Another trick is to keep on the officials about aggressive play. Granted, most refs are pretty scared to call anything on Teen Wolf, what with the risk of being devoured in the parking lot after the game. Still, it's hard to ignore someone being gouged by lupine talons, especially if the player's entrails are exposed. Coach Finstock hates sitting Teen Wolf, but if his star picks up three fouls early, there won't be any other option. Just make sure to tell your guys to resist taunting Teen Wolf while he's on the bench; it only makes him angrier, and with that anger comes frightening strength.
Finally, keep in mind that beneath all that fur, Teen Wolf is only human—or half-human, whatever—with weaknesses, just like any of us. And as a hormonally imbalanced, eternally cursed teenager, he's particularly fragile. For one thing, at just under 70 percent, Teen Wolf's free-throw shooting is comparatively weak; if you've got a kid on your team brave or crazy enough to knock Teen Wolf down with a hard foul, encourage it. Make him earn his points at the line. "Hack-a-Wolf" brought us within 10 of the Beavers during last year's playoffs—that is, until Teen Wolf dunked eight consecutive trips down the floor from the 3-point line, putting the lead out of reach.
OK, that's pretty much all I've got. As I mentioned earlier, defending Teen Wolf isn't an exact science, and you're more than welcome to alter these tactics as befits your own ball club. I hope that between us we can keep the lines of communication open and continue to share strategies that seem to work. My feeling is that there's no team that is completely unbeatable, even if their star transforms into a werewolf before every game. Oh, and if you come up with some way of preventing Teen Wolf from jumping up and catching your team's shots, I'd be particularly interested in hearing it.
Thanks, and best of luck.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Think I'm gonna be in The Horse
Some guy from The Horse mag just got a hold of me, and wants to do a feature on the kawasaki I built. Kinda sweet. I'm happy.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
kitten candy
she's a kitten, mothra, yeti and candy all rolled into one.
you can view the pictures(two anyways)here. or call!
you can view the pictures(two anyways)here. or call!
Friday, October 28, 2005
what the fuck!?
Kay- It's been like 2 days!? Benji has got to have a kid by now? What the fuck is going on? I mean, jesus- how long does it take to give birth to a Mothra?
Also, now that I think about it- Hey, Sam! Hasn't Madera had her 1st birthday by now? And why didn't you invite some mother fuckers for the birthday? ass wipe.
Also, now that I think about it- Hey, Sam! Hasn't Madera had her 1st birthday by now? And why didn't you invite some mother fuckers for the birthday? ass wipe.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
48 Hours In Hell! (Act 2)
Thus left alone, I knew not what to do, except masturbate. Looking out before me, I saw two roads which led through a dark valley of bright colors. One of these was a broad road and seemed to be well traveled but towards the horizon I could just make out an AM/PM sign. The other was a narrow path and led off in another direction to a happy singsongy wonderland of goodness. I instinctively followed the well-beaten road plus, one can never have too much good stuff. I had not gone far when it seemed to grow darker and totally spooky. Ever and anon, however a light would flash up from the distance (the AM/PM neon sign of course), and in this manner I was lighted on my journey, also i had taken a poo, so that kept me lighted as well.
Presently I was met by a being that is utterly impossible for me to describe much like Sam. I can only give you a faint idea of his dreadful appearance. He resembled a man somewhat, kind of like Courtney Love, but was much larger than any human being I ever saw. He must have been at least ten feet high. He had great wings on his back like some magical Yeti. He was black as the coal I had been digging, and in a perfectly nude condition except for his braces and headgear. He had a spear in his hand, the handle of which must have been fully fifteen feet in length making it impossible to lift and an utterly useless weapon. His eyes shone like balls of fire and pretty twinkly stars. His teeth, white as pearl, seemed fully an inch long, reminiscent of Jack's shriveled pee pee. His nose, if you could call it a nose, was very large, broad and flat. His hair was very coarse, heavy and long, reminiscent of my majestic manhood. It hung down upon his massive shoulders. His voice sounded more like the growls of a child's hungry tummy in a menagerie than anything I can recall.
It was during one of the flashes of light from the AM/PM sign that I first saw him. I trembled like an aspen leaf at the sight. I also tinkled in my pants a little bit. He had his spear raised as if to send it flying through me but i knew by the look on his face he was totally bluffing. I suddenly stopped. With that terrible voice that sounded like Charlotte Church porking a rickshaw, he bade me follow him; that he had been sent to guide me on my journey. I followed cause that's what I am, a follower. What else could I do?
After he had gone some distance a large mountain of spaghetti covered with cheese appeared to rise up before us. Could this be real or was I just super hungry? The part facing us seemed perpendicular, just as if a meatball had been cut in two and one part had been taken away. On this perpendicular wall of meatball, I could distinctly see these words, 'This is Hell.' covered in the most amazing Alfredo sauce!
To be continued....stay tuned for the exciting confrontation between Benji and Maria Morehart (or more commonly known as the devil, but it still totally depends on the circles you run in).
Presently I was met by a being that is utterly impossible for me to describe much like Sam. I can only give you a faint idea of his dreadful appearance. He resembled a man somewhat, kind of like Courtney Love, but was much larger than any human being I ever saw. He must have been at least ten feet high. He had great wings on his back like some magical Yeti. He was black as the coal I had been digging, and in a perfectly nude condition except for his braces and headgear. He had a spear in his hand, the handle of which must have been fully fifteen feet in length making it impossible to lift and an utterly useless weapon. His eyes shone like balls of fire and pretty twinkly stars. His teeth, white as pearl, seemed fully an inch long, reminiscent of Jack's shriveled pee pee. His nose, if you could call it a nose, was very large, broad and flat. His hair was very coarse, heavy and long, reminiscent of my majestic manhood. It hung down upon his massive shoulders. His voice sounded more like the growls of a child's hungry tummy in a menagerie than anything I can recall.
It was during one of the flashes of light from the AM/PM sign that I first saw him. I trembled like an aspen leaf at the sight. I also tinkled in my pants a little bit. He had his spear raised as if to send it flying through me but i knew by the look on his face he was totally bluffing. I suddenly stopped. With that terrible voice that sounded like Charlotte Church porking a rickshaw, he bade me follow him; that he had been sent to guide me on my journey. I followed cause that's what I am, a follower. What else could I do?
After he had gone some distance a large mountain of spaghetti covered with cheese appeared to rise up before us. Could this be real or was I just super hungry? The part facing us seemed perpendicular, just as if a meatball had been cut in two and one part had been taken away. On this perpendicular wall of meatball, I could distinctly see these words, 'This is Hell.' covered in the most amazing Alfredo sauce!
To be continued....stay tuned for the exciting confrontation between Benji and Maria Morehart (or more commonly known as the devil, but it still totally depends on the circles you run in).
movie quote madness
ok, so i though we could start a random movie quote postings. i'll go first.
you can't use google or anything to try and figure it out. you just have to ask
for hints and such. try to make them as obscure or as funny as possible.
here's mine:
"los locos kick your ass; los locos kick your face; los locos kick your balls into outerspace."
you can't use google or anything to try and figure it out. you just have to ask
for hints and such. try to make them as obscure or as funny as possible.
here's mine:
"los locos kick your ass; los locos kick your face; los locos kick your balls into outerspace."
Friday, October 21, 2005
For Tod
If I was in charge of writing the Horoscope section of the newspaper, though, maybe I'd try a few different things than you normally see.
Virgo
Today isn't the best day to go bow and arrow hunting with your father in the Australian Outback. But, you should go some time soon because he has cancer. That's right. He has throat cancer. Your father, Dave Lewis from Providence, Rhode Island, has throat cancer and he will die on the 25th of December this year. Merry Christmas.
Libra
How about you treat yourself to a special day and go fuck yourself? All day long, you Libra piece of shit.
Leo
Long time no see, jackass. Reading your Horoscope today hoping things will finally look up? Well, they won't. Not like you deserve it anyway. Think I don't know about the incident with the neighbor's son? I know everything. I'm the Horoscope, bitch!
Sagittarius
Two words: The clap.
Taurus
You know that co-worker you have a crush on? Go for it!
Cancer
A very homely co-worker will ask you out today. My bad.
Gemini
I loved you in American Gladiators! Even if your name was truly Michael M. Horton, nobody could touch you in Powerball or Assault. Well, until Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry came on the scene and made all the gladiators his bitches. But, you'll always have the pre-Two Scoops era.
Aries
A spaceman from the future will visit you today, but he won't tell you outright that he is from the future because he is on a very covert mission. He will simply say, "Excuse me." That is your cue to answer back with the phrase that will let him know that you know who he is: "I poured ten ounces of maple syrup into my anus. Would you like some pancakes?"
Pisces, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Scorpio
Blow me.
Virgo
Today isn't the best day to go bow and arrow hunting with your father in the Australian Outback. But, you should go some time soon because he has cancer. That's right. He has throat cancer. Your father, Dave Lewis from Providence, Rhode Island, has throat cancer and he will die on the 25th of December this year. Merry Christmas.
Libra
How about you treat yourself to a special day and go fuck yourself? All day long, you Libra piece of shit.
Leo
Long time no see, jackass. Reading your Horoscope today hoping things will finally look up? Well, they won't. Not like you deserve it anyway. Think I don't know about the incident with the neighbor's son? I know everything. I'm the Horoscope, bitch!
Sagittarius
Two words: The clap.
Taurus
You know that co-worker you have a crush on? Go for it!
Cancer
A very homely co-worker will ask you out today. My bad.
Gemini
I loved you in American Gladiators! Even if your name was truly Michael M. Horton, nobody could touch you in Powerball or Assault. Well, until Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry came on the scene and made all the gladiators his bitches. But, you'll always have the pre-Two Scoops era.
Aries
A spaceman from the future will visit you today, but he won't tell you outright that he is from the future because he is on a very covert mission. He will simply say, "Excuse me." That is your cue to answer back with the phrase that will let him know that you know who he is: "I poured ten ounces of maple syrup into my anus. Would you like some pancakes?"
Pisces, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Scorpio
Blow me.
Friday, October 14, 2005
ESPN
I'm gonna be on ESPN, apparently. ?
Another one of those new "chopper" shows.
When, I have no idea... but some dude said he was a producer, and then I had to suck his dick... But he said he'd put me on.
Another one of those new "chopper" shows.
When, I have no idea... but some dude said he was a producer, and then I had to suck his dick... But he said he'd put me on.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Friday, October 07, 2005
I love my Job
When I get paid to take picts that just don't seem to come close to hurting my eyes AT ALL.
Where the Fuck
is Act 2 of your dumb story, Benji!?
I've been sitting here on pins and needles awaiting the Hell part.
I've been sitting here on pins and needles awaiting the Hell part.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
Where did Johnny go?
who says editing isn't that important, or even the film's musical montage?
i give you Shining: the feeling good movie of the year!
i give you Shining: the feeling good movie of the year!
Peek-a-boo
does anybody read this anymore?
derol?
jon?
sam?
jack!?
i just wanted to get a head count.
rascals!
derol?
jon?
sam?
jack!?
i just wanted to get a head count.
rascals!
Thursday, September 29, 2005
My Horoscope
Alright, you are all so lazy, I'll just do my own.
I am a Scorpio with an Acquarius rising and A Sagittarius moon.
This means I am a hyper-active insensitive asshole. I don't pay attention to people's feelings all that much, less because I really don't care and more because I am hardwired to be ADD. In fact, I understand people pretty well, I am just no good at acting on my understanding.
Basically, if I am not entertained , I don't care.
This means I am pushover for freaks who can pretty much get me to do whatever they want because I am bored.
I am pretty creative but lack even the most basic technical understanding of how to make anything work.
This amounts to a lot of over-thought underproduction.
I have an immense amount of hubris, exaggerated pride and a big, fat head, but this doesn't keep anyone from loving me since I tend to accept everyone else pretty readily.
I usually find just a few people I like a whole lot, everyone else I like just about the same, and can flake on just about the same amount.
I am vain, egotistical dunce and I don't give a shit unless its real pretty.
Then again, I like you. Or at least I understand you enough to know you can't hurt me.
I am a Scorpio with an Acquarius rising and A Sagittarius moon.
This means I am a hyper-active insensitive asshole. I don't pay attention to people's feelings all that much, less because I really don't care and more because I am hardwired to be ADD. In fact, I understand people pretty well, I am just no good at acting on my understanding.
Basically, if I am not entertained , I don't care.
This means I am pushover for freaks who can pretty much get me to do whatever they want because I am bored.
I am pretty creative but lack even the most basic technical understanding of how to make anything work.
This amounts to a lot of over-thought underproduction.
I have an immense amount of hubris, exaggerated pride and a big, fat head, but this doesn't keep anyone from loving me since I tend to accept everyone else pretty readily.
I usually find just a few people I like a whole lot, everyone else I like just about the same, and can flake on just about the same amount.
I am vain, egotistical dunce and I don't give a shit unless its real pretty.
Then again, I like you. Or at least I understand you enough to know you can't hurt me.
Sam's Horoscope
Sam is a Sagittarius/ Capricorn. Shit man, thats tough.
Sagittarians are naturally impulsive and pretty loopy, but your moon is a Capricorns and they are really super mellow.
First of all, you are a bad lover. You can't get it together in bed. Lots of premature ejaculations.
On the outside everyone thinks you have it all together but inside you're a mess. You are all pent up worrying about your personal freedom, but you are so methodical no one knows what a wack-o you make yourself.
People always come to you for answers and it seems like you should have them, but really, you don't know shit.
When you get your feelings hurt, and you do all the time you sissy, you retreat into your little personal closet and cry.
This makes you really suspicious of people and closed off like some crazy homeless guy who mutters to himself.
Luckily for your crazy over-sensitivity, you are actually pretty good at getting a read on people quickly, so you know right away when to ball up and suck your thumb. Hilariously though, you are pretty free with criticism yourself, you bastard.
You're a weeny homebody and grasp onto your close personal relationships like it was some kind of life raft. You are basically prewired for being pussywhipped. Funny though, you are so selfconscious that you don't want to give much up to your girl in the way of real intimacy. Maybe thats where all the premature ejaculations come from.
Things get better though. Since you are so damned methodical you get shit done and like working hard. I guess thats a good thing.
But basically, you are a frightened, closed off freak, trying to weasel your way into other people's business without getting caught.
What baffoon.
This, of course is the condensed asshole version.
The long non-asshole version reads like this:
--------------------------------
Sun in Sagittarius, Moon in Capricorn
Your Sagittarian impulsiveness and rashness benefit from the propriety and reliability inherent in Capricorn. Ambition is channeled toward higher learning and thought. Your life has form and order, and you go about your affairs in a methodical fashion. There is an aura of respectability about all aspects of your life. Your love life, however, can be somewhat less rewarding. You seem self-contained, and you find difficulty in letting go enough to accept another human being. Ruled by your ambitious and practical nature, you approach others with caution, often suspicion. The key to a more harmonious self lies in achieving a proper balance between your impulsive, optimistic, individuality and your steadfast, plodding personality. Try to retain the buoyancy without giving free reign to flightiness.
Ascendant in Cancer, Moon in the Seventh House
At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Cancer was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler the Moon is located in the seventh house.
Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiacal belt and its natives are under the rulership of the Moon. Your life will be full of changes and intermittent periods of activity and relaxation. Your vulnerability to external influences makes you subconsciously imitate the manners and ways of those with whom you relate.
In many instances, circumstances will require that you play the role of worldliness and sophistication but under the mask there will exist a very sensitive human being who is easily offended, and also very perceptive of the more subtle influences and impressions, as well as of psychic vibrations.
Cancer gives the tendency to completely retreat when hurt or frightened of a situation. This happens to you often because you tend to interfere in the affairs of others when you are not needed or wanted. Throughout your life, your responses will be emotional rather than rational.
Cancer also gives a tendency for life to be centered in the home and family; your attachment to your private and domestic habits is so strong that without them you could hardly endure. In love matters, you are emotional and gentle.
For the difficult aspects we must warn you against becoming overly preoccupied with trivial details of a psychological nature. Another tendency that you have is to flatter and to criticize carelessly, without regard for the other person's feelings.
Destiny may place you in environments where your natural traits can be best expressed. You will be happier when allowed to be occupied with searching for a person or a thing, though not necessarily in important work.
The fact that your life ruler is in this house is indicative of your orientation towards early commitment to a partner. You may seek independence from parental rule only to fall under the control required by the rules of living in a relationship.
There will be romance in your relationship, but the object of your love will tend to be either a very changeable person or somewhat cold and authoritarian.
Other persons with whom you maintain relationships appear as strongly individualistic, but perhaps narrow-minded and lacking aesthetic concern. Your associates are cautious, subtle, very worried about their interests, and a little dogmatic.
Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 6 and is therefore interpreted in house 7.
Saturn in the First House
Saturn is in the first house. Saturn's placement here gives you a conservative, sometimes gloomy and self-denying outlook on life. Because every contact is of great importance, you tend to be rather detached and even aloof so that you can be sure exactly where you stand. You can be self-conscious and may feel awkward and prudish with others who appear to take things more lightly. The depth with which you look at yourself is characteristic of the way you relate to others.
You were taught very early in life to be self-reliant, and you were often given more responsibility than usual for your age.
Your intellect is constant and usually unfettered by momentary feelings and whims. Logic plays an important role in your thinking processes. Grandiose schemes and theories have little interest for you.
Once you accept your own limitations and face up to your challenges and responsibilities with a sense of purpose, you will be able to succeed in whatever field you decide on. Your health is generally good, so long as you exercise sufficiently to relieve tension.
Sun in the Sixth House
The Sun was found in your sixth house at the time of birth. This position indicates that in all your activities you will be subjected to the impositions of the environment. The overall orientation of your existence is that of accomplishment through fulfillment of professional responsibilities. In matters of health, this astrological combination is not ideal, as the vital energies of the Sun here have less power, causing you to feel an occasional lack of physical strength. You are, however, inclined to be careful with your health. In your dealings with work associates and subordinates you will show dignified, strong, but open- handed attitudes.
You work with a well-developed sense of pride in everything you do.
Venus in the Sixth House
Venus was found in your sixth house at the time of your birth. You can regard yourself as a lucky individual. Your health throughout life has been either very good or you have had the capability of quickly recovering from illness.
In dealing with others within your work environment, you may also obtain an increase in income. Your attitude to work is that it is a pleasurable thing to do. You are not a hard working individual; on the contrary, there is something of laziness in you. Destiny may put you into positions where you will work under the direction of extremely kind and attractive superiors. A love relationship could start due to this interaction.
Moon in the Seventh House
The Moon was found in the seventh house at the time of your birth.
Exciting romance may occur at an early stage in life. We must warn you, however, that unless modified by further interpretations, the partner may have fluctuating affections.
You're also one of those who throughout the relationship manifests a great variety of personality roles and who seldom shows in intimacy his real nature.
Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 6 and is therefore interpreted in house 7.
Moon Opposition Ascendant
The Moon opposition the Ascendant shows that you try to become personally involved in the affairs of the people you know. Subconsciously, you need someone to need you at all times. You have a wide circle of friends who think highly of you because of your generous and kindly disposition. Nevertheless, you find it difficult to form individual, lasting relationships, because you are never really sure you can fulfill the responsibilities they entail.
You want to be loved, and you constantly dwell on this fact. You hate being alone, so any professional interest should involve personal contact with the public.
It is important that you learn to stand alone and secure in your independence. You persist in the hope that everything you desire will someday be realized
Sagittarians are naturally impulsive and pretty loopy, but your moon is a Capricorns and they are really super mellow.
First of all, you are a bad lover. You can't get it together in bed. Lots of premature ejaculations.
On the outside everyone thinks you have it all together but inside you're a mess. You are all pent up worrying about your personal freedom, but you are so methodical no one knows what a wack-o you make yourself.
People always come to you for answers and it seems like you should have them, but really, you don't know shit.
When you get your feelings hurt, and you do all the time you sissy, you retreat into your little personal closet and cry.
This makes you really suspicious of people and closed off like some crazy homeless guy who mutters to himself.
Luckily for your crazy over-sensitivity, you are actually pretty good at getting a read on people quickly, so you know right away when to ball up and suck your thumb. Hilariously though, you are pretty free with criticism yourself, you bastard.
You're a weeny homebody and grasp onto your close personal relationships like it was some kind of life raft. You are basically prewired for being pussywhipped. Funny though, you are so selfconscious that you don't want to give much up to your girl in the way of real intimacy. Maybe thats where all the premature ejaculations come from.
Things get better though. Since you are so damned methodical you get shit done and like working hard. I guess thats a good thing.
But basically, you are a frightened, closed off freak, trying to weasel your way into other people's business without getting caught.
What baffoon.
This, of course is the condensed asshole version.
The long non-asshole version reads like this:
--------------------------------
Sun in Sagittarius, Moon in Capricorn
Your Sagittarian impulsiveness and rashness benefit from the propriety and reliability inherent in Capricorn. Ambition is channeled toward higher learning and thought. Your life has form and order, and you go about your affairs in a methodical fashion. There is an aura of respectability about all aspects of your life. Your love life, however, can be somewhat less rewarding. You seem self-contained, and you find difficulty in letting go enough to accept another human being. Ruled by your ambitious and practical nature, you approach others with caution, often suspicion. The key to a more harmonious self lies in achieving a proper balance between your impulsive, optimistic, individuality and your steadfast, plodding personality. Try to retain the buoyancy without giving free reign to flightiness.
Ascendant in Cancer, Moon in the Seventh House
At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Cancer was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler the Moon is located in the seventh house.
Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiacal belt and its natives are under the rulership of the Moon. Your life will be full of changes and intermittent periods of activity and relaxation. Your vulnerability to external influences makes you subconsciously imitate the manners and ways of those with whom you relate.
In many instances, circumstances will require that you play the role of worldliness and sophistication but under the mask there will exist a very sensitive human being who is easily offended, and also very perceptive of the more subtle influences and impressions, as well as of psychic vibrations.
Cancer gives the tendency to completely retreat when hurt or frightened of a situation. This happens to you often because you tend to interfere in the affairs of others when you are not needed or wanted. Throughout your life, your responses will be emotional rather than rational.
Cancer also gives a tendency for life to be centered in the home and family; your attachment to your private and domestic habits is so strong that without them you could hardly endure. In love matters, you are emotional and gentle.
For the difficult aspects we must warn you against becoming overly preoccupied with trivial details of a psychological nature. Another tendency that you have is to flatter and to criticize carelessly, without regard for the other person's feelings.
Destiny may place you in environments where your natural traits can be best expressed. You will be happier when allowed to be occupied with searching for a person or a thing, though not necessarily in important work.
The fact that your life ruler is in this house is indicative of your orientation towards early commitment to a partner. You may seek independence from parental rule only to fall under the control required by the rules of living in a relationship.
There will be romance in your relationship, but the object of your love will tend to be either a very changeable person or somewhat cold and authoritarian.
Other persons with whom you maintain relationships appear as strongly individualistic, but perhaps narrow-minded and lacking aesthetic concern. Your associates are cautious, subtle, very worried about their interests, and a little dogmatic.
Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 6 and is therefore interpreted in house 7.
Saturn in the First House
Saturn is in the first house. Saturn's placement here gives you a conservative, sometimes gloomy and self-denying outlook on life. Because every contact is of great importance, you tend to be rather detached and even aloof so that you can be sure exactly where you stand. You can be self-conscious and may feel awkward and prudish with others who appear to take things more lightly. The depth with which you look at yourself is characteristic of the way you relate to others.
You were taught very early in life to be self-reliant, and you were often given more responsibility than usual for your age.
Your intellect is constant and usually unfettered by momentary feelings and whims. Logic plays an important role in your thinking processes. Grandiose schemes and theories have little interest for you.
Once you accept your own limitations and face up to your challenges and responsibilities with a sense of purpose, you will be able to succeed in whatever field you decide on. Your health is generally good, so long as you exercise sufficiently to relieve tension.
Sun in the Sixth House
The Sun was found in your sixth house at the time of birth. This position indicates that in all your activities you will be subjected to the impositions of the environment. The overall orientation of your existence is that of accomplishment through fulfillment of professional responsibilities. In matters of health, this astrological combination is not ideal, as the vital energies of the Sun here have less power, causing you to feel an occasional lack of physical strength. You are, however, inclined to be careful with your health. In your dealings with work associates and subordinates you will show dignified, strong, but open- handed attitudes.
You work with a well-developed sense of pride in everything you do.
Venus in the Sixth House
Venus was found in your sixth house at the time of your birth. You can regard yourself as a lucky individual. Your health throughout life has been either very good or you have had the capability of quickly recovering from illness.
In dealing with others within your work environment, you may also obtain an increase in income. Your attitude to work is that it is a pleasurable thing to do. You are not a hard working individual; on the contrary, there is something of laziness in you. Destiny may put you into positions where you will work under the direction of extremely kind and attractive superiors. A love relationship could start due to this interaction.
Moon in the Seventh House
The Moon was found in the seventh house at the time of your birth.
Exciting romance may occur at an early stage in life. We must warn you, however, that unless modified by further interpretations, the partner may have fluctuating affections.
You're also one of those who throughout the relationship manifests a great variety of personality roles and who seldom shows in intimacy his real nature.
Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 6 and is therefore interpreted in house 7.
Moon Opposition Ascendant
The Moon opposition the Ascendant shows that you try to become personally involved in the affairs of the people you know. Subconsciously, you need someone to need you at all times. You have a wide circle of friends who think highly of you because of your generous and kindly disposition. Nevertheless, you find it difficult to form individual, lasting relationships, because you are never really sure you can fulfill the responsibilities they entail.
You want to be loved, and you constantly dwell on this fact. You hate being alone, so any professional interest should involve personal contact with the public.
It is important that you learn to stand alone and secure in your independence. You persist in the hope that everything you desire will someday be realized
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Horoscopes
Hello
I would like to perform a free horoscope reading for anyone interested.
I will be doing the free reading and then posting it on this site with commentary.
Maybe.
Anyhow, if you would like to participate, please give me the following info:
Date of birth:
Place of birth:
Exact time of birth:
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
I would like to perform a free horoscope reading for anyone interested.
I will be doing the free reading and then posting it on this site with commentary.
Maybe.
Anyhow, if you would like to participate, please give me the following info:
Date of birth:
Place of birth:
Exact time of birth:
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
4 weeks and counting!
so it's four weeks (tenatively scheduled) when we will finally give a name to the proverbial "player to be named later".
wow.
it is slowly dawning on me that things around the herod household will be a little different. no more crack smoking, no more molotov cocktail parties, no more calling in sick to work just to hang out at the arcade all day. nope. those days are over, or will be soon.
but i think i'm ready. plus crack is whack!
wow.
it is slowly dawning on me that things around the herod household will be a little different. no more crack smoking, no more molotov cocktail parties, no more calling in sick to work just to hang out at the arcade all day. nope. those days are over, or will be soon.
but i think i'm ready. plus crack is whack!
Monday, September 26, 2005
Dirtbag Challenge
So I went to SF yesterday to participate in this thing called the dirtbag challenge. I've been building this little kawasaki chop, that I entered, and got the "Founder's Choice" award. I was pretty much ear to ear smiles the whole day- but getting the award made me feel like a kid on christmas... fun times! I'm officially, an award winning bike builder!!! :)
I took pictures- the one's of my bike are towards the end.
Dirtbag Challenge Picts
I took pictures- the one's of my bike are towards the end.
Dirtbag Challenge Picts
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Lost in translation?
so who else is watching "lost" this season? if so, what did you think of the season premiere? i've been all over the internet today reading message boards (i promise i didn't post to any of them!) where geeks go to die(jack was that you?) and post their guesses at what is really happening on the island. some of them are really stupid, some of them are pretty plausible, but my favorites are the ones that would have taken hours putting in different search options in google to come up with. you would think that there would be a point were you couldn't read into the "signs/numbers/music" any more, but the rabbit hole just keeps going deeper.
i really enjoyed last nights episode and i guess if i had TiVo i would be watching it again tonight for all those hidden "clues" and "meaning". good thing i don't have TiVo...
what did you guys think?
i really enjoyed last nights episode and i guess if i had TiVo i would be watching it again tonight for all those hidden "clues" and "meaning". good thing i don't have TiVo...
what did you guys think?
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I may go to hell for saying this....
But does anyone else kinda feel like Hurricane Rita, is just Gods way of trying to pick up the spare?
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
48 Hours In Hell! (Act 1)
One of the most interesting cases of resuscitation that ever came to my knowledge was that of Benji Herod, a notorious horse thief of Jefferson County. He was serving his second term. Sedgwick County sent him to the prison the first time for a similar offense - stealing horses and talking about sasquatches.
During the winter of 1887 and 1888 he worked in the coal mines (cough, i think i got the black lung pa). The place where he was laboring seemed dangerous to him. Most all labor was dangerous during this time as it is today. He reported the fact to the officer in charge, who made an examination, and deciding that the room was safe, ordered Herod back to his work. The convict, obeying, had not continued his work more than an hour, when the roof fell in and completely buried him. He remained in this condition fully two hours but an hour and half of it was only Herod pretending to be buried.
Missed at dinnertime in the DC obviously raised some eyebrows, a search was instituted for the missing convict, and he was found under this heap of rubbish. Life seemed extinct. He was taken to the top, and on examination by the prison physician, was pronounced dead(mostly dead as you will see later). His remains were carried to the hospital where he was washed and dressed, preparatory for interment. His coffin was made and brought to the hospital. The chaplain had arrived to perform the last sad rites preparatory to burial. A couple of prisoners were ordered by the hospital steward to lift the corpse from the boards and carry it across the room and place it in the coffin. They obeyed, one at the head, and other at the feet and were about half way across the room when the one who was at the head accidentally stumbled over a cuspidor(this is a smallish leprechaun indigenous of Jefferson County), lost his balance, and dropped the corpse. The head of the dead man struck the floor, and to the utter surprise and astonishment of all present, a deep groan was heard from the "Floor Leprechaun" Steve, but also from Herod. Soon the eyes opened, and other appearances of life were manifested. The physician was immediately sent for, and by the time he arrived, some thirty minutes, the dead man had called for a cup of water, and was in the act of drinking when the physician arrived. The physician promptly shat himself.
The coffin was at once removed and later on was used to bury another convict, Jack Mullis who wasn't so lucky as Herod. His burial robes were also taken from him, and the prison garb substituted. On an examination he was found to have one of his legs broken in two places, and was otherwise bruised. He remained in the hospital some six months, and again went to work. This time with a helmet!
I learned of his peculiar experience soon after, from a fellow miner. Prompted by curiosity, I longed for an acquaintance with Herod since I was a super sexy model who likes to get her "experience" from his own "lips". This opportunity was not offered for several months. At last it came or was it me who did?. After being removed from the mines I was detailed to one of the prison offices to make out some annual reports. The subject of this man's return to life was being discussed one day, when he happened to pass by the office door and was pointed out to me. I promptly shat myself.
It was not long until I had a note in his hand, and asked him to come where I was at work. He did so, and here I got well acquainted with him, and from his own lips received his wonderful story. He is a young man, probably not over thirty years of age. He had been a hardened criminal; is possessed of a very good education, and naturally very bright, much like the sasquatches he so loves.
The most wonderful part of his story was that during the time he was dead. Being a shorthand reporter, I took his story from dictation.
Said he, " I had a presentiment all the morning that something terrible was going to happen. I was so uneasy on account of my feelings that I went to my mining boss Mr. Tracy Hires, and told him how I felt, and asked him if he would not come and examine my coal room, the place where I was digging coal. He came and seemed to make a thorough examination, and ordered me back to work, saying there was no danger or at least that's what his wife told him to say, and that he thought I was going, 'cranky', much like his wife in the morning. I returned to my work, and had been digging away for something like an hour of which 45 minutes were only pretend work, when all of a sudden, it grew very dark. Then it seemed as if a great iron door swung open and I passed through it. The thought then came to my mind that I was dead and in another world. I could see no one, nor hear sound of any kind except for the excited caterwalling of my sasquatch brethern. From some cause unknown to myself, I started to move away from the doorway, and had traveled some distance when I came to the banks of a broad river. It was not dark, neither was it light. There was about as much light as on a bright, starlit night. I then realized I was a poet and didn't even know it! I had not remained on the banks of this river very long until I could hear the sound of oars in the water, and soon a person in a boat rowed up to where I was standing. I promptly shat myself.
"I was speechless. He looked at me for a moment, and then said that he had come for me, and told me to get into the boat and row across to the other side. I told him he could row is own damn boat. Then he showed me a naked picture of Grimace so I had no choice. I obeyed. Not a word was spoken. I longed to ask him who he was, and where I was. My tongue seemed to cling to the roof of my mouth partly because I was high on sweet Skunk Weed given to me by my buddy Drew. I could not say a word. Finally, we reached the opposite shore. I got out of the boat, and the boatman vanished out of sight. Much like Mr. Tracy Hires....
To be continued....stay tuned for the exciting confrontation between Benji and Maria Morehart (or more commonly known as the devil, but it totally depends on the circles you run in).
During the winter of 1887 and 1888 he worked in the coal mines (cough, i think i got the black lung pa). The place where he was laboring seemed dangerous to him. Most all labor was dangerous during this time as it is today. He reported the fact to the officer in charge, who made an examination, and deciding that the room was safe, ordered Herod back to his work. The convict, obeying, had not continued his work more than an hour, when the roof fell in and completely buried him. He remained in this condition fully two hours but an hour and half of it was only Herod pretending to be buried.
Missed at dinnertime in the DC obviously raised some eyebrows, a search was instituted for the missing convict, and he was found under this heap of rubbish. Life seemed extinct. He was taken to the top, and on examination by the prison physician, was pronounced dead(mostly dead as you will see later). His remains were carried to the hospital where he was washed and dressed, preparatory for interment. His coffin was made and brought to the hospital. The chaplain had arrived to perform the last sad rites preparatory to burial. A couple of prisoners were ordered by the hospital steward to lift the corpse from the boards and carry it across the room and place it in the coffin. They obeyed, one at the head, and other at the feet and were about half way across the room when the one who was at the head accidentally stumbled over a cuspidor(this is a smallish leprechaun indigenous of Jefferson County), lost his balance, and dropped the corpse. The head of the dead man struck the floor, and to the utter surprise and astonishment of all present, a deep groan was heard from the "Floor Leprechaun" Steve, but also from Herod. Soon the eyes opened, and other appearances of life were manifested. The physician was immediately sent for, and by the time he arrived, some thirty minutes, the dead man had called for a cup of water, and was in the act of drinking when the physician arrived. The physician promptly shat himself.
The coffin was at once removed and later on was used to bury another convict, Jack Mullis who wasn't so lucky as Herod. His burial robes were also taken from him, and the prison garb substituted. On an examination he was found to have one of his legs broken in two places, and was otherwise bruised. He remained in the hospital some six months, and again went to work. This time with a helmet!
I learned of his peculiar experience soon after, from a fellow miner. Prompted by curiosity, I longed for an acquaintance with Herod since I was a super sexy model who likes to get her "experience" from his own "lips". This opportunity was not offered for several months. At last it came or was it me who did?. After being removed from the mines I was detailed to one of the prison offices to make out some annual reports. The subject of this man's return to life was being discussed one day, when he happened to pass by the office door and was pointed out to me. I promptly shat myself.
It was not long until I had a note in his hand, and asked him to come where I was at work. He did so, and here I got well acquainted with him, and from his own lips received his wonderful story. He is a young man, probably not over thirty years of age. He had been a hardened criminal; is possessed of a very good education, and naturally very bright, much like the sasquatches he so loves.
The most wonderful part of his story was that during the time he was dead. Being a shorthand reporter, I took his story from dictation.
Said he, " I had a presentiment all the morning that something terrible was going to happen. I was so uneasy on account of my feelings that I went to my mining boss Mr. Tracy Hires, and told him how I felt, and asked him if he would not come and examine my coal room, the place where I was digging coal. He came and seemed to make a thorough examination, and ordered me back to work, saying there was no danger or at least that's what his wife told him to say, and that he thought I was going, 'cranky', much like his wife in the morning. I returned to my work, and had been digging away for something like an hour of which 45 minutes were only pretend work, when all of a sudden, it grew very dark. Then it seemed as if a great iron door swung open and I passed through it. The thought then came to my mind that I was dead and in another world. I could see no one, nor hear sound of any kind except for the excited caterwalling of my sasquatch brethern. From some cause unknown to myself, I started to move away from the doorway, and had traveled some distance when I came to the banks of a broad river. It was not dark, neither was it light. There was about as much light as on a bright, starlit night. I then realized I was a poet and didn't even know it! I had not remained on the banks of this river very long until I could hear the sound of oars in the water, and soon a person in a boat rowed up to where I was standing. I promptly shat myself.
"I was speechless. He looked at me for a moment, and then said that he had come for me, and told me to get into the boat and row across to the other side. I told him he could row is own damn boat. Then he showed me a naked picture of Grimace so I had no choice. I obeyed. Not a word was spoken. I longed to ask him who he was, and where I was. My tongue seemed to cling to the roof of my mouth partly because I was high on sweet Skunk Weed given to me by my buddy Drew. I could not say a word. Finally, we reached the opposite shore. I got out of the boat, and the boatman vanished out of sight. Much like Mr. Tracy Hires....
To be continued....stay tuned for the exciting confrontation between Benji and Maria Morehart (or more commonly known as the devil, but it totally depends on the circles you run in).
can someone please add something new?
i'm fresh out of anything worth sharing but i like when you all share. please save me from my blad lifeless existence.
sincerely,
bobcat merlin
sincerely,
bobcat merlin
Friday, September 16, 2005
are you ready to get pumped?
this link is hilarious. you have to read most of the stuff. i couldn't stop laughing when i was reading this.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Now you know if you can drive...
...or at least I can know how drunk i am when I go to bed after polishing off a bottle of bushmills while watching stargate.
http://www.onlineconversion.com/bac.htm
http://www.onlineconversion.com/bac.htm
Benji doesn't want your vote...
...he wants your CIZZOCK.
And, I for one, will be more than happy to give.
And, I for one, will be more than happy to give.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I want your vote!
i am so glad that i voted for him. hey, if i was president i would hook up all you fools. derol would be my head of the National T-shirt Design Department. i would wear a silly shirt that derol made every saturday while i was in office. things like "i'm crying because my son is gay" and "i need a suck vacation".
i would make sam my head of the National Make-Fun-of-People-Under-Your-Breath Department. i would say something under my breath that sam would write about world leaders that would be heard only by those people with a sense of humor, namely myself and my dog chloe.
i would make jon my head of the National Date-Your-Friends-Sister Department. this would be a super secret department that only the friends of your friend's sister that you're dating would know about. so we could all sit around and laugh at him, secretly. and it would play on CNN, but only when that friend wasn't watching.
i would make jack my head of the FCC. cause really, that's what he would want and i'm all about giving my friends what they want. he could play the janet jackson thing like at noon on saturday and at the end when justin tears off her boob it would pause there for like 5 minutes. just enough to desensitize your children. yeah jack!
as for me, well i would just make up National vacation days starting with the Call in Sick Memorial Holiday. this would be every monday until aliens destroy the earth. see this is smart because employers think that someday they will have their employees back once aliens destroy the earth, but aliens don't exist so that will never happen. pretty genius huh? yeah, i've got tons of these ideas. you'd vote for me right?
i would make sam my head of the National Make-Fun-of-People-Under-Your-Breath Department. i would say something under my breath that sam would write about world leaders that would be heard only by those people with a sense of humor, namely myself and my dog chloe.
i would make jon my head of the National Date-Your-Friends-Sister Department. this would be a super secret department that only the friends of your friend's sister that you're dating would know about. so we could all sit around and laugh at him, secretly. and it would play on CNN, but only when that friend wasn't watching.
i would make jack my head of the FCC. cause really, that's what he would want and i'm all about giving my friends what they want. he could play the janet jackson thing like at noon on saturday and at the end when justin tears off her boob it would pause there for like 5 minutes. just enough to desensitize your children. yeah jack!
as for me, well i would just make up National vacation days starting with the Call in Sick Memorial Holiday. this would be every monday until aliens destroy the earth. see this is smart because employers think that someday they will have their employees back once aliens destroy the earth, but aliens don't exist so that will never happen. pretty genius huh? yeah, i've got tons of these ideas. you'd vote for me right?
Nice to see...
That Bush can hook up his homie in the wake of another terrible disaster
Congress probes hurricane clean-up contracts
Oliver Morgan, industrial editor
Sunday September 11, 2005
The Observer
A powerful investigative agency of the US Congress is to investigate the award of contracts by the Bush administration for emergency and reconstruction work in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/business/story/0,6903,1567081,00.html
Congress probes hurricane clean-up contracts
Oliver Morgan, industrial editor
Sunday September 11, 2005
The Observer
A powerful investigative agency of the US Congress is to investigate the award of contracts by the Bush administration for emergency and reconstruction work in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/business/story/0,6903,1567081,00.html
Nightmare Football
I sat my whole team down last night and had one of those Vince Lombardi/Bobby Knight talks with them. I think they understand me now. I'm counting on the veterans to take a leadership role. Keyshon is my team captain and he is in charge of the pregame prayer. Since Michael Clayton is from Florida, I put him in charge of orange wedges. I really think things will go better next week.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
SB Yahoo's
What are you SB foolios (Sam, Jon, thats YOU) doing early next week, besides working?
I gotta go to the O.C. (BENJI, ISN'T THAT AWESOME!?!? The O Fucking C!!! I'LL SAY HI TO THE COHAN'S FOR YOU!!!) :P and, I'll be passing back through on Monday, if ya wanna grab lunch, or ditch work and have cocktails?
I gotta go to the O.C. (BENJI, ISN'T THAT AWESOME!?!? The O Fucking C!!! I'LL SAY HI TO THE COHAN'S FOR YOU!!!) :P and, I'll be passing back through on Monday, if ya wanna grab lunch, or ditch work and have cocktails?
Brown IS the new pink
Why does it always have to be about color with you guys? I don't see color.
Any Benji...I'd like to let you know that I'm extremely disapointed with you. I now know WAY too much about the OC. And I'll never get that 15 minutes back. But those guys were cracking me up.
Any Benji...I'd like to let you know that I'm extremely disapointed with you. I now know WAY too much about the OC. And I'll never get that 15 minutes back. But those guys were cracking me up.
Obsessed Completely
for those of you how are eagerly anticipating the season premiere of the O.C. tonight, i thought this was pretty intereting....
In EMT Class
back in High School, I passed out durring that movie... Fucking sucked. Got all cold and clamy, had to lay down. My friends all with their heads on the desk making groaning dying noises watching some 80's bush- push this bloody watermelon through it. NO THANKS. Have fun with THAT one. I'll be in the waiting room with the cigars.
late 80's, early 90's....
so in baby class yesterday i got to see some sweet 80's vagina! or maybe it was early 90's. either way, i can't imagine people having sex with each other back then. the clothes, the poofy hair? the bushy snizz. i mean seriously. i remember my school picture at the beginning of the 90's. no wonder i hadn't had sex yet! (also, cute guatemalans were hard to find).
anyway, just thought that it was weird the way we dressed and looked. i remember a friend of mine had freakin mc hammer pants. and he was white. and he was a missionary in a hispanic country. maybe that's what made it cool. funny though.
anyway, just thought that it was weird the way we dressed and looked. i remember a friend of mine had freakin mc hammer pants. and he was white. and he was a missionary in a hispanic country. maybe that's what made it cool. funny though.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Sam is gey
I can only assume sam decided on pink? He's the one that wasn't man enough to produce a boy... Though, Jack likes those sissy pink shirts? I heard brown is the new black, and pink is the new brown. ?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)