Sam's Horoscope

Sam is a Sagittarius/ Capricorn. Shit man, thats tough.
Sagittarians are naturally impulsive and pretty loopy, but your moon is a Capricorns and they are really super mellow.
First of all, you are a bad lover. You can't get it together in bed. Lots of premature ejaculations.
On the outside everyone thinks you have it all together but inside you're a mess. You are all pent up worrying about your personal freedom, but you are so methodical no one knows what a wack-o you make yourself.
People always come to you for answers and it seems like you should have them, but really, you don't know shit.
When you get your feelings hurt, and you do all the time you sissy, you retreat into your little personal closet and cry.
This makes you really suspicious of people and closed off like some crazy homeless guy who mutters to himself.
Luckily for your crazy over-sensitivity, you are actually pretty good at getting a read on people quickly, so you know right away when to ball up and suck your thumb. Hilariously though, you are pretty free with criticism yourself, you bastard.
You're a weeny homebody and grasp onto your close personal relationships like it was some kind of life raft. You are basically prewired for being pussywhipped. Funny though, you are so selfconscious that you don't want to give much up to your girl in the way of real intimacy. Maybe thats where all the premature ejaculations come from.
Things get better though. Since you are so damned methodical you get shit done and like working hard. I guess thats a good thing.

But basically, you are a frightened, closed off freak, trying to weasel your way into other people's business without getting caught.

What baffoon.

This, of course is the condensed asshole version.
The long non-asshole version reads like this:

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Sun in Sagittarius, Moon in Capricorn

Your Sagittarian impulsiveness and rashness benefit from the propriety and reliability inherent in Capricorn. Ambition is channeled toward higher learning and thought. Your life has form and order, and you go about your affairs in a methodical fashion. There is an aura of respectability about all aspects of your life. Your love life, however, can be somewhat less rewarding. You seem self-contained, and you find difficulty in letting go enough to accept another human being. Ruled by your ambitious and practical nature, you approach others with caution, often suspicion. The key to a more harmonious self lies in achieving a proper balance between your impulsive, optimistic, individuality and your steadfast, plodding personality. Try to retain the buoyancy without giving free reign to flightiness.



Ascendant in Cancer, Moon in the Seventh House

At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Cancer was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler the Moon is located in the seventh house.

Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiacal belt and its natives are under the rulership of the Moon. Your life will be full of changes and intermittent periods of activity and relaxation. Your vulnerability to external influences makes you subconsciously imitate the manners and ways of those with whom you relate.

In many instances, circumstances will require that you play the role of worldliness and sophistication but under the mask there will exist a very sensitive human being who is easily offended, and also very perceptive of the more subtle influences and impressions, as well as of psychic vibrations.

Cancer gives the tendency to completely retreat when hurt or frightened of a situation. This happens to you often because you tend to interfere in the affairs of others when you are not needed or wanted. Throughout your life, your responses will be emotional rather than rational.

Cancer also gives a tendency for life to be centered in the home and family; your attachment to your private and domestic habits is so strong that without them you could hardly endure. In love matters, you are emotional and gentle.

For the difficult aspects we must warn you against becoming overly preoccupied with trivial details of a psychological nature. Another tendency that you have is to flatter and to criticize carelessly, without regard for the other person's feelings.

Destiny may place you in environments where your natural traits can be best expressed. You will be happier when allowed to be occupied with searching for a person or a thing, though not necessarily in important work.

The fact that your life ruler is in this house is indicative of your orientation towards early commitment to a partner. You may seek independence from parental rule only to fall under the control required by the rules of living in a relationship.

There will be romance in your relationship, but the object of your love will tend to be either a very changeable person or somewhat cold and authoritarian.

Other persons with whom you maintain relationships appear as strongly individualistic, but perhaps narrow-minded and lacking aesthetic concern. Your associates are cautious, subtle, very worried about their interests, and a little dogmatic.

Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 6 and is therefore interpreted in house 7.



Saturn in the First House

Saturn is in the first house. Saturn's placement here gives you a conservative, sometimes gloomy and self-denying outlook on life. Because every contact is of great importance, you tend to be rather detached and even aloof so that you can be sure exactly where you stand. You can be self-conscious and may feel awkward and prudish with others who appear to take things more lightly. The depth with which you look at yourself is characteristic of the way you relate to others.

You were taught very early in life to be self-reliant, and you were often given more responsibility than usual for your age.

Your intellect is constant and usually unfettered by momentary feelings and whims. Logic plays an important role in your thinking processes. Grandiose schemes and theories have little interest for you.

Once you accept your own limitations and face up to your challenges and responsibilities with a sense of purpose, you will be able to succeed in whatever field you decide on. Your health is generally good, so long as you exercise sufficiently to relieve tension.



Sun in the Sixth House

The Sun was found in your sixth house at the time of birth. This position indicates that in all your activities you will be subjected to the impositions of the environment. The overall orientation of your existence is that of accomplishment through fulfillment of professional responsibilities. In matters of health, this astrological combination is not ideal, as the vital energies of the Sun here have less power, causing you to feel an occasional lack of physical strength. You are, however, inclined to be careful with your health. In your dealings with work associates and subordinates you will show dignified, strong, but open- handed attitudes.

You work with a well-developed sense of pride in everything you do.



Venus in the Sixth House

Venus was found in your sixth house at the time of your birth. You can regard yourself as a lucky individual. Your health throughout life has been either very good or you have had the capability of quickly recovering from illness.

In dealing with others within your work environment, you may also obtain an increase in income. Your attitude to work is that it is a pleasurable thing to do. You are not a hard working individual; on the contrary, there is something of laziness in you. Destiny may put you into positions where you will work under the direction of extremely kind and attractive superiors. A love relationship could start due to this interaction.



Moon in the Seventh House

The Moon was found in the seventh house at the time of your birth.

Exciting romance may occur at an early stage in life. We must warn you, however, that unless modified by further interpretations, the partner may have fluctuating affections.

You're also one of those who throughout the relationship manifests a great variety of personality roles and who seldom shows in intimacy his real nature.

Note: The Moon is technically near the end of house 6 and is therefore interpreted in house 7.



Moon Opposition Ascendant

The Moon opposition the Ascendant shows that you try to become personally involved in the affairs of the people you know. Subconsciously, you need someone to need you at all times. You have a wide circle of friends who think highly of you because of your generous and kindly disposition. Nevertheless, you find it difficult to form individual, lasting relationships, because you are never really sure you can fulfill the responsibilities they entail.

You want to be loved, and you constantly dwell on this fact. You hate being alone, so any professional interest should involve personal contact with the public.

It is important that you learn to stand alone and secure in your independence. You persist in the hope that everything you desire will someday be realized