Saturday, November 11, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Something for you "English Majors"
Was Benji the only one? Jon?
Whatever- they're still classic.
And also, I can only read 2 sentences into Benji's last post before I give up as well.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Whatever- they're still classic.
And also, I can only read 2 sentences into Benji's last post before I give up as well.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Friday, September 29, 2006
lol
i found this surfing the blogosphere. we get to look forward to these kids taking care of us when we're oldered...lol
im confused as shit and i swear i don't know what to do. i love him but he never seem to care. well oh well we never know.
lol i love love love love you but man i dunno anymore im hurting and u dont see it i love u but u dont see it coz ur blinded by something which is the reason im hurting now shit i'll never give up i'll just be here hiding lol maybe this aint the right time or maybe there is no right time for us lol we never know its this is hard lol coz i want u to be happy and i wanna see u happy lol we always end up like this lol but its ok sum1 told me like u kno him he's u kno just be careful coz i dont want to see you cry again awwww i dont want u hiding in your jacket again lol so yea i really wanna say thanx to u for always makin me laugh and of course thanx for listening to me and uhhh thanx for everythin
id give anything go anywhere when it comes to your love but the question that's burnin in my heart is whether its strong enough if u want me to stay there's somethin we gotta do honesty is a must ive got to trust if im not with u and i love it when its just the 2 of us layin around and i cant help i want u to myself the feelings gettin stronger now so i hope u feel the way i feel honesty is a must ive got to trust if im not wit u I hope your not disrespectin me Im hopin I'm everything u need and that all u wish for you'll find in me It's the way that you show show you care show that you love when your not with me aint nowhere that I belong
this is actually my song to you lol i love love love u lol seriously i do
so yea ima go to bed now coz im really sleepy its like 4.32 am now
uhuh yea gotta go
night night
love u love u
mMmMmUUuuuuuuAAAAAAAAhhhhhHHHHH
Friday, September 22, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
Indiana Jones and the She-Vixens of Berlin
you have to read this entire mock letter concerning Indy 4 and tell me what the funniest part of it was. i laughed out loud for a good minute at one point. let the hilarity ensue!
Musica divertido
i got the new mana cd and it is deliciously cheesy! i love it.
when they play the sb bowl, i'll fly out and we can all go to the show again.
jack you have to come, it'll be good times!
when they play the sb bowl, i'll fly out and we can all go to the show again.
jack you have to come, it'll be good times!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Mana
I know you've all been waiting with baited breath for the new Mana album... kay maybe not as much as Benji.
Wait no more!
http://www.mana.com.mx/
Wait no more!
http://www.mana.com.mx/
Friday, July 07, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
feast your eyes on the latest. i've added san francisco and ventura, and made the tides and regional forecasts a bit easier to read.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Porto Sighting
I know maybe this isn't about Justin anymore, but I did see him in a full two page Calvin Klein spread with some famous model in the last New York Times Sunday magazine.
Just thought I'd say....
Oh yeah, and kissing your dog isn't gross.
Just thought I'd say....
Oh yeah, and kissing your dog isn't gross.
Friday, May 19, 2006
10 TRUTHS
10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your
family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your
family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
well you can tell by the way i walk i'm a woman's man
kind of reminds me of the fun police, only we were so super awesome. i think he actually does some of the moves in the exact order as we did them. i think he hung out at calypso taking notes on derol, but in the end, like most of us, fell in love with sam.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Friday, April 07, 2006
watching this is how i start each day. then i debate brushing teeth.
i suggest letting it load completely before pressing play. server aint so fast.
i suggest letting it load completely before pressing play. server aint so fast.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Returns
Rian just emailed me, and said the returns came back for the weekend, and apparently it opened with quite a bang! For being an independent film anyway.
The flick was GOOD! Some funny shit in it. He used one of our friends first and last name - Frisco Fayer - for a character that is talked about but never seen, a guy that is in a coma from an OD. Well, we ran into Frisco right before the movie started, and Rian made some joke like, "Hey, you're not gonna sue me for using your name?" and after the movie we were all hanging out at this bar, catching up...
Derol: "Dude, what are you doing now?"
Frisco: "I'm a Lawyer"
Rian: "(shit) Can I buy ya a drink?"
Also, it looks like he's gonna be moving out to NY. So now I can be spread even thinner if I ever get to go back and visit.
The flick was GOOD! Some funny shit in it. He used one of our friends first and last name - Frisco Fayer - for a character that is talked about but never seen, a guy that is in a coma from an OD. Well, we ran into Frisco right before the movie started, and Rian made some joke like, "Hey, you're not gonna sue me for using your name?" and after the movie we were all hanging out at this bar, catching up...
Derol: "Dude, what are you doing now?"
Frisco: "I'm a Lawyer"
Rian: "(shit) Can I buy ya a drink?"
Also, it looks like he's gonna be moving out to NY. So now I can be spread even thinner if I ever get to go back and visit.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Brick
Going to Hollywood tomorrow for the Brick premire...
You NY fuckers should go check it out.
It supposed to be opening there tomorrow night as well.
Maybe I'll get some sweet Hollywood Actress type trim!
"What up ladies, I'm friends with the director!"
You NY fuckers should go check it out.
It supposed to be opening there tomorrow night as well.
Maybe I'll get some sweet Hollywood Actress type trim!
"What up ladies, I'm friends with the director!"
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Heat Vision and Jack
you think any of these actors would actually come back and do the show if it got picked up? that would be sweet.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Porto Sighting
Corner of Bowery & Spring, side of a Verizon telephone booth.
Looking good in a Calvin Klein ad.
Real good.
Looking good in a Calvin Klein ad.
Real good.
Friday, March 10, 2006
The Professional
i knew there was a reason i like natalie portman so much. i mean besides the obvious. Yikes.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Hey, what's up?!
so i changed the title and the "objective" of the blog. i'm trying to be the #1 result for justin poortinga when you google him. we'll see. also i thought i'd throw Jack in there cause there isn't enought about him on the web, cept for the straight man sex video he made in Armington D with Steven P. Hoke.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Classic title, but can we make it THE PORTO (& mung) FAN CLUB. Oh and how is it we have no link to this yet?
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
a new adventure in produce
to look away is impossible...
a forbidden love...
the new essence of corn...
Poorto Niblets...
Green Giant Approved!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Jack Mullis is an anagram for "Chris Martin"
I didn't know Jack was the leader singer in Coldplay?! Rock on!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Friday, January 27, 2006
and the award for most dramatic...
...death goes to Noble Frye in "evil demon golfball from hell"
a film by rian johnson.
you'll have to wait a bit for it to load, but it's well worth it!
Derol, you're pop is a superstar!
a film by rian johnson.
you'll have to wait a bit for it to load, but it's well worth it!
Derol, you're pop is a superstar!
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Brick
www.brickmovie.net
My homie Rian, from High School did this movie last year for Sundance that got picked up by Focus Features, and is in theaters at the end of March. According to him, the main character is me, although I think I'm way prettier than Joseph Gorden Livitt.
My homie Rian, from High School did this movie last year for Sundance that got picked up by Focus Features, and is in theaters at the end of March. According to him, the main character is me, although I think I'm way prettier than Joseph Gorden Livitt.
Friday, January 20, 2006
geoff's new business venture
i must say, i knew that geoff was a talented mo fo, but i never knew his "bubbleology experience was a magical and mesmerizing delight." i'm so hiring him for Riley's 1st birthday. Sam, did you hire him for Madeira's party? was it wicked expensive? I would assume he'd give discounts to westmont alum....
check out this website too. the name itself screams geoff. read the "vendors and entertainers" section.
check out this website too. the name itself screams geoff. read the "vendors and entertainers" section.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Booger Sugar for CHEAP!
now this is what i'm talking about!
mi paiz!
guatemala forever!
i totally know the guys that did this. some people from high school just never grow up...
mi paiz!
guatemala forever!
i totally know the guys that did this. some people from high school just never grow up...
Friday, January 06, 2006
Warning Labels
Pat Robertson, Dobson, Tipper Gore, and the AFA were so tired of us getting our grubby little hands on all this bad stuff- so they've teamed up with our Religous Government to put warning labels on everything... guess they may have gone a bit too far.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Hippity Hoppity Hop
happy new year loser mclosers! we played cranium and Trivial Pursuit "SNL" version, then sipped champagne and then went to bed. Yipee!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
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