she's a kitten, mothra, yeti and candy all rolled into one.
you can view the pictures(two anyways)here. or call!
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
what the fuck!?
Kay- It's been like 2 days!? Benji has got to have a kid by now? What the fuck is going on? I mean, jesus- how long does it take to give birth to a Mothra?
Also, now that I think about it- Hey, Sam! Hasn't Madera had her 1st birthday by now? And why didn't you invite some mother fuckers for the birthday? ass wipe.
Also, now that I think about it- Hey, Sam! Hasn't Madera had her 1st birthday by now? And why didn't you invite some mother fuckers for the birthday? ass wipe.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
48 Hours In Hell! (Act 2)
Thus left alone, I knew not what to do, except masturbate. Looking out before me, I saw two roads which led through a dark valley of bright colors. One of these was a broad road and seemed to be well traveled but towards the horizon I could just make out an AM/PM sign. The other was a narrow path and led off in another direction to a happy singsongy wonderland of goodness. I instinctively followed the well-beaten road plus, one can never have too much good stuff. I had not gone far when it seemed to grow darker and totally spooky. Ever and anon, however a light would flash up from the distance (the AM/PM neon sign of course), and in this manner I was lighted on my journey, also i had taken a poo, so that kept me lighted as well.
Presently I was met by a being that is utterly impossible for me to describe much like Sam. I can only give you a faint idea of his dreadful appearance. He resembled a man somewhat, kind of like Courtney Love, but was much larger than any human being I ever saw. He must have been at least ten feet high. He had great wings on his back like some magical Yeti. He was black as the coal I had been digging, and in a perfectly nude condition except for his braces and headgear. He had a spear in his hand, the handle of which must have been fully fifteen feet in length making it impossible to lift and an utterly useless weapon. His eyes shone like balls of fire and pretty twinkly stars. His teeth, white as pearl, seemed fully an inch long, reminiscent of Jack's shriveled pee pee. His nose, if you could call it a nose, was very large, broad and flat. His hair was very coarse, heavy and long, reminiscent of my majestic manhood. It hung down upon his massive shoulders. His voice sounded more like the growls of a child's hungry tummy in a menagerie than anything I can recall.
It was during one of the flashes of light from the AM/PM sign that I first saw him. I trembled like an aspen leaf at the sight. I also tinkled in my pants a little bit. He had his spear raised as if to send it flying through me but i knew by the look on his face he was totally bluffing. I suddenly stopped. With that terrible voice that sounded like Charlotte Church porking a rickshaw, he bade me follow him; that he had been sent to guide me on my journey. I followed cause that's what I am, a follower. What else could I do?
After he had gone some distance a large mountain of spaghetti covered with cheese appeared to rise up before us. Could this be real or was I just super hungry? The part facing us seemed perpendicular, just as if a meatball had been cut in two and one part had been taken away. On this perpendicular wall of meatball, I could distinctly see these words, 'This is Hell.' covered in the most amazing Alfredo sauce!
To be continued....stay tuned for the exciting confrontation between Benji and Maria Morehart (or more commonly known as the devil, but it still totally depends on the circles you run in).
Presently I was met by a being that is utterly impossible for me to describe much like Sam. I can only give you a faint idea of his dreadful appearance. He resembled a man somewhat, kind of like Courtney Love, but was much larger than any human being I ever saw. He must have been at least ten feet high. He had great wings on his back like some magical Yeti. He was black as the coal I had been digging, and in a perfectly nude condition except for his braces and headgear. He had a spear in his hand, the handle of which must have been fully fifteen feet in length making it impossible to lift and an utterly useless weapon. His eyes shone like balls of fire and pretty twinkly stars. His teeth, white as pearl, seemed fully an inch long, reminiscent of Jack's shriveled pee pee. His nose, if you could call it a nose, was very large, broad and flat. His hair was very coarse, heavy and long, reminiscent of my majestic manhood. It hung down upon his massive shoulders. His voice sounded more like the growls of a child's hungry tummy in a menagerie than anything I can recall.
It was during one of the flashes of light from the AM/PM sign that I first saw him. I trembled like an aspen leaf at the sight. I also tinkled in my pants a little bit. He had his spear raised as if to send it flying through me but i knew by the look on his face he was totally bluffing. I suddenly stopped. With that terrible voice that sounded like Charlotte Church porking a rickshaw, he bade me follow him; that he had been sent to guide me on my journey. I followed cause that's what I am, a follower. What else could I do?
After he had gone some distance a large mountain of spaghetti covered with cheese appeared to rise up before us. Could this be real or was I just super hungry? The part facing us seemed perpendicular, just as if a meatball had been cut in two and one part had been taken away. On this perpendicular wall of meatball, I could distinctly see these words, 'This is Hell.' covered in the most amazing Alfredo sauce!
To be continued....stay tuned for the exciting confrontation between Benji and Maria Morehart (or more commonly known as the devil, but it still totally depends on the circles you run in).
movie quote madness
ok, so i though we could start a random movie quote postings. i'll go first.
you can't use google or anything to try and figure it out. you just have to ask
for hints and such. try to make them as obscure or as funny as possible.
here's mine:
"los locos kick your ass; los locos kick your face; los locos kick your balls into outerspace."
you can't use google or anything to try and figure it out. you just have to ask
for hints and such. try to make them as obscure or as funny as possible.
here's mine:
"los locos kick your ass; los locos kick your face; los locos kick your balls into outerspace."
Friday, October 21, 2005
For Tod
If I was in charge of writing the Horoscope section of the newspaper, though, maybe I'd try a few different things than you normally see.
Virgo
Today isn't the best day to go bow and arrow hunting with your father in the Australian Outback. But, you should go some time soon because he has cancer. That's right. He has throat cancer. Your father, Dave Lewis from Providence, Rhode Island, has throat cancer and he will die on the 25th of December this year. Merry Christmas.
Libra
How about you treat yourself to a special day and go fuck yourself? All day long, you Libra piece of shit.
Leo
Long time no see, jackass. Reading your Horoscope today hoping things will finally look up? Well, they won't. Not like you deserve it anyway. Think I don't know about the incident with the neighbor's son? I know everything. I'm the Horoscope, bitch!
Sagittarius
Two words: The clap.
Taurus
You know that co-worker you have a crush on? Go for it!
Cancer
A very homely co-worker will ask you out today. My bad.
Gemini
I loved you in American Gladiators! Even if your name was truly Michael M. Horton, nobody could touch you in Powerball or Assault. Well, until Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry came on the scene and made all the gladiators his bitches. But, you'll always have the pre-Two Scoops era.
Aries
A spaceman from the future will visit you today, but he won't tell you outright that he is from the future because he is on a very covert mission. He will simply say, "Excuse me." That is your cue to answer back with the phrase that will let him know that you know who he is: "I poured ten ounces of maple syrup into my anus. Would you like some pancakes?"
Pisces, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Scorpio
Blow me.
Virgo
Today isn't the best day to go bow and arrow hunting with your father in the Australian Outback. But, you should go some time soon because he has cancer. That's right. He has throat cancer. Your father, Dave Lewis from Providence, Rhode Island, has throat cancer and he will die on the 25th of December this year. Merry Christmas.
Libra
How about you treat yourself to a special day and go fuck yourself? All day long, you Libra piece of shit.
Leo
Long time no see, jackass. Reading your Horoscope today hoping things will finally look up? Well, they won't. Not like you deserve it anyway. Think I don't know about the incident with the neighbor's son? I know everything. I'm the Horoscope, bitch!
Sagittarius
Two words: The clap.
Taurus
You know that co-worker you have a crush on? Go for it!
Cancer
A very homely co-worker will ask you out today. My bad.
Gemini
I loved you in American Gladiators! Even if your name was truly Michael M. Horton, nobody could touch you in Powerball or Assault. Well, until Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry came on the scene and made all the gladiators his bitches. But, you'll always have the pre-Two Scoops era.
Aries
A spaceman from the future will visit you today, but he won't tell you outright that he is from the future because he is on a very covert mission. He will simply say, "Excuse me." That is your cue to answer back with the phrase that will let him know that you know who he is: "I poured ten ounces of maple syrup into my anus. Would you like some pancakes?"
Pisces, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Scorpio
Blow me.
Friday, October 14, 2005
ESPN
I'm gonna be on ESPN, apparently. ?
Another one of those new "chopper" shows.
When, I have no idea... but some dude said he was a producer, and then I had to suck his dick... But he said he'd put me on.
Another one of those new "chopper" shows.
When, I have no idea... but some dude said he was a producer, and then I had to suck his dick... But he said he'd put me on.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Friday, October 07, 2005
I love my Job
When I get paid to take picts that just don't seem to come close to hurting my eyes AT ALL.
Where the Fuck
is Act 2 of your dumb story, Benji!?
I've been sitting here on pins and needles awaiting the Hell part.
I've been sitting here on pins and needles awaiting the Hell part.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
Where did Johnny go?
who says editing isn't that important, or even the film's musical montage?
i give you Shining: the feeling good movie of the year!
i give you Shining: the feeling good movie of the year!
Peek-a-boo
does anybody read this anymore?
derol?
jon?
sam?
jack!?
i just wanted to get a head count.
rascals!
derol?
jon?
sam?
jack!?
i just wanted to get a head count.
rascals!
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